Bitching

[caruh]

I swer to fucking god if I hear one more thing about people being obssessed with other I'm going to fucking puke. Sheesh. With that said on to more pressing matters...

I'm in a big rut. Huge rut. It seems like life likes to shove more shit in my face CONSTANTLY. The difference between me and the usual general public, I have the worst luck ever. Nothing ever works out even when I remain positive. But I keep pushing on. I don't know what else I can do.

My mother and I had a lovely arguement last week. One more month Carol....one more month. We get along a LOT better when we don't live together.

So in the past week I've found out that my mother's car is broken and if it costs more then 300 dollars to fix (most of which I get to fund for her. Of course, my mom says no one helps her. Right.) then she's going to get rid of it leaving us with no car, I might not have any way to get to college because of SOMEONE ElSE'S mistake (*grumble grumble*), my money is flying out faster then I want and I'm starting to dislike things and people I once cared about.

I'm contemplating leaving SK. For good. Just disconnecting myself from everything save for maybe ten people. The place has brought me nothing but drama, stupidity, and pain. I constantly care about people that could give two shits about me. (Oh just a great pattern Carol.) Or only care when they find out I'm female and turn around and ignore me when someone "better looking" comes along. I'm fucking sick of that shit. I'm fucking sick of everything.

Seafood is pissing me off too. Mike fucking slacks off all the damn time and I have to cover his ass. He shows up late and everyone wonders why I don't get all the production done. But of course, everything is my fault. It always is. Guh. And Zach constantly steals all the damn time. King crab is fucking 20 bucks a pound and you are going to steam some up for dinner Zach. What the FUCK!? And when I don't know something everyone gets an attitude. I can't take this stupid shit anymore. Not to mention that the entire department is changing so I might not even want to go back.

I'm so fucking close its not funny. Fucking promises. Fucking guilt. Fucking everything. And I can't go into everything on here or with people. No one gives a shit. I've needed people plenty lately and they are no where to be found. Hence, me wanting to cut myself off entirely. It'll make things a hell of a lot easier. But then I'll be the bad guy cause I wasn't there to hear them tell me the latest escapade of their sexual realtionship or ask for my advice on anything and everything.

Just fuck it. I'm going to try and sleep so I can go and enjoy a LOVELY day at work. At least I found my wallet. =/

Comments

[darkentries.livejournal.com]

I love you. *Huggles.*

[caruh.livejournal.com]

I love ya too you silly dutchie. *hugs*

[thepinkninja.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

[rampala-quistis.livejournal.com]

*huggles*

Though I worked in produce, for some reason I was so surprised about how much drama goes on in a super market. Wasn't expecting that... But, yeah, you can get a lot of idiots and assholes and for some reason a few seem to be congregating in seafood. :(

Grah on your mom. You work hard for your money. Why the hell should you have to give it to her? Just, BLAH. Grr.

As far as wanting to cut yourself off from everyone, I can't blame you. In fact, I think you'd be justified in every facet of the matter, except if some people want to be bitchy about it. Who cares what they think though? I wish I could say I've been there for you, but I haven't been there for anyone recently (and everyone knows why, but that's hardly a good reason.) I am sorry... I think about you just about everyday, but I guess thoughts are worth pennies when I keep forgetting to e-mail or something. But, what I'm saying is if that's what you want to do, do it. You won't get grief from me. I'd be sad, but you gotta do what's best for you. Not that I'm encouraging that, I mean, smacking people in the head with frying pans sounds good when you're angry and later it's not so good, but if that's what you want to do I say do what you want. Do stuff for you. And if you ever want to come back, I'll be waiting.

I can't apologize enough for my total lack of regard recently, but I hope you know that should you ever need me for any reason you can always call me (631 288-1746 or 631 294-6307 (cell)) and I'd be more than happy to listen or help or drive wherever you need me if I have a car available. If not, I can walk. Or ride a Swedish Fish. =3 Seriously, though, you know my policy. If it's important to you, it's important to me, and you can call any hour. In fact, if you call before 6am I'll probably still be awake.

Okay, so, I'm pretty tired and I'm not sure if I'm ranting or not. So I should probably stop in case I am. However, with work, with your mom, which stupid people online and off, just remember who fucking awesome you are and and everyone else can go play hide and go fuck themselves because you're better than all that. And not better in a haughty way, just on a completely different level-- you don't want to stoop down to the immature levels. Just be confident, cause if you ever need a reminder than you're fucking fabulous, give a ring. I know a ton of other people who think you are too.

[hanakirei85.livejournal.com]

Natalie said just about everything I was planning to, so I won't bother re-hashing it for you. 'Cept I've got a different reason for not being on my name much lately, but we won't get into that. (If you ever need somebody to talk to badly enough though, you can add EvaNidoqueen to your buddy list. :O Sorry I didn't mention it sooner, but...XD; Yeah.) Obviously there's some things up there that don't apply, but yeah. Same general thing. *nodnod* So, in conclusion, *HUGGGGGGG*.

[caruh.livejournal.com]

Yeah, its fucking ridiculous the amount of drama that can happen in such an everday place. But perhaps its typicalness is what makes it a breeding ground for stupidity.

She'd pay me back. It just pisses me off that my mom acts like no one helps her when in reality, everyone helps her left and right.

I get the feeling that I've already cut myself off without actually having to do it on my own. Circumstances (for everyone, life kinda does that appaerntly) just sorta let abandonment occur on all sides I suppose. Not like my own issues help much with that but hey, at least I can admit that I'm fucked up. =p;

I understand why completely. Doesn't make me miss you any less. When are you going to college hun? We should try to hang out before then if possible. Maybe Jords can dragg you and the Swed up here for a nice little vacation. =)

Thanks hun. *hugs you tight*

[rampala-quistis.livejournal.com]

*smacks forehead* You're in Albany, right? Duh, stupid me, Bennington is only an hour from Albany! But, I don't have to be up until August 31st-- when does Purchase want you back?

But, I'm not sure about Swedish boy, but I'd love to come up and visit. (And I'll make him love it too ^_^ Not that I think he doesn't want to, I think he's just a lil lazy about getting his butt moving sometimes :p) But, even if we don't get together while Swedish one is here, I'm not working anymore (we're being frugle with the lil money we have left) so I can hike up at a moment's notice pretty much.

As far as life, I have noticed after high school it's hard to keep in touch with most people. (Though, I think you understand when I say for the most part that doesn't bother me. :p Only a few people I wish to keep up with.) Such is life. I think we'll make it through, though, those of us who are supposed to stick together.

[caruh.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but from like the 20th (probably a bit after since Jords might be going on that cruise with his family) on I'll be on Long Island. So perhaps we can hang out then. =) I keep saying that Purchase wants me back the 30th but I don't think that is right. I'm going to check that right now actually...Nope I think its the 29th since classes start on the 30th. But I guess I'll have to wait and see if I am right on that...Guh starting school 3 days after your birthday sucks ass man. =/ But at least I'm not going to school on my birthday.

Ahh, well I haven't made a real decision on when I am going to stop working at Price Chopper yet. But hey if you come up I can get you sushi and take you to a waterfall right near my house and show you cool stuff! It'll be a tight squeeze for all of us in my room, but I think we can manage. =)

Yeah, keeping in contact is a bitch alright. *hugs* I sure hope you are right though.

[cute-commie.livejournal.com]

:( Leaving SK would suck. All the nice people are leaving.

[caruh.livejournal.com]

I'm not. I don't think anyone can really leave. =/ But we all try...really hard...DAMN YOU PEOPLE! >_

[sleepykitsune.livejournal.com]

mmm .. sleeep.

At least you found your wallet =^.^=

[caruh.livejournal.com]

*needs more sleep* Mmmmm having two days off to sleep...MMMMmmMMMMmm. =D

And yes. Wallet leads to bus fair which leads to work and to getting back from work. Not to mention foodness. So wallets are good things indeed. =)

[categirlsh.livejournal.com]

I don't mean to be a downer or anything, but wouldn't it be hard to leave if theres no car??? But pretty much all I can say is what they alredy said. Call me anytime and all talk, unless of course I'm not home. 631-288-6874. And I don't mean to sound like all hypocritical or anything because i actually happen to be holding a convo with you on the internet that seams to be going no where. I am just not so good with having natural convcersation on the im ness.

[caruh.livejournal.com]

nah, actually it wouldn't be hard to leave at all because of a lack of a car. Moving men were created for a reason heh. Its just that they are a lot of money. I have the money, but I'm a cheap bastard!

Nah, the im'ing was sweet. You actually brightened my day with what you said. =) *hugs you tightly*